


How He Saw His Heart

by PapaKapkan



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Smut, Ugh, hlep, i hate tagging but its so useful, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 04:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13709775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PapaKapkan/pseuds/PapaKapkan
Summary: How Glaz fell in love.





	How He Saw His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> first time with that smut its so bad pls ignore omg  
> its so bad ;-;  
> I'm sorry

I read books when I am not working. I make art, painting beautifully elaborate landscapes or sunrises and fields of gold. My eyes are sharp, noting even the littlest details that one can see. Just like I noticed how Fuze and Jäger would argue in a specific way, only to laugh about it later, and even share almost unnoticeable touches. But I noticed. People hide their secrets in plain sight. Like Smoke hides his packer, or Bandit hides his smoking habit from Blitz, or even how Finka hides her fear. I see through it. Nobody sees what I see, could just be that I am quiet, and people tend to not realize I am there. So I observe. I've seen everyone's secrets by now. 

Even Maxim’s. 

He thinks he is so clever, being a hunter and all. But really he is scared. He has every right to be, I don’t blame him. Not everyone is as accepting outside of our little HQ out here in England. Especially not back home. He is scared so he hides it in small crafts, traps, and animal corpses gathered up like little trophies you got back in grade school. He hides it by isolating himself. By making sure nobody sees what he does in his downtimes. He hides from everyone. Finka noticed too, how he hides, scurries away, but he will flirt with her, she claims it was very forced, unlike how Tachanka flirts with her. He gave up interaction after she made some off handed comment about it. I am certain he doesn’t even notice that I have seen through his walls, his isolation. Even Fuze loosened up a bit after an incident a few weeks back where he got high and made out with Jäger about three weeks ago. After that the two have been close, cautious, but close. They shared something secret with each other when they were high, whatever shit he put in the brownies he fed them got them good, and they have been much closer since. 

Currently I sit perched on the outskirts of the obstacle course while Kapkan and Tachanka are running through it, Fuze and Finka were gossiping about something. I see her elbow Fuze and point to where Jäger was being forced by Bandit to squat down and lift him up so he could recklessly climb a tree for his lost shoe. I hear her say something about a “sweet ass” to Fuze which makes him playfully smack her arm and point to Tachanka who had folded himself in half over and object to retrieve his suddenly lost helmet, how it managed to get knocked off is not known, I had noticed Kapkan staring back at me from the end of the Obstacle course. He looked away swiftly. I think he is catching on to my watchful eyes. It has taken him long enough. I take notes in a small notebook, messily scrawling in Russian, it’s hardly legible so I don’t worry about anyone reading it, Fuze and Kapkan have both commented that my handwriting is as bad as a illiterate child. 

I get up and swiftly begin to move back inside. I want to be out of the way when they start treading back inside. I manage to hide my little notebook underneath my pillow and I pull out a similarly sized sketchbook and quickly manage a quick sketch of a butterfly I saw while I was out there. I hear the others laughing as they enter. I don't hear Kapkan, however. Which is mildly concerning. It could mean he is mad about something, he usually appears in our shared room without a sound at that point. I am so busy thinking I end up being started out of my thoughts by Kapkans hand suddenly gripping my shoulder tight and turning me around, I drop my sketchbook as I am spun around violently. He stares into my eyes, I realize that my hands are suddenly shaking and I look as if I have been caught doing something wrong. But he has no proof yet again that I was doing something “fishy.” 

“What are you doing now, Glazkov?” He speaks sharply, with a bitter tone. I point down to the sketchbook.

“Just cleaning up my sketch so that maybe later I can paint it, Maxim, look, isn’t it nice?” I manage to say, my voice cracking slightly at his name. He is awfully close to me, I can tell he wants to say something else, but I also see him change his mind. 

“Just say it!” I splurt out, surprised by the impatient tone in my voice. He startles in return, he hadn’t expected a retort of any kind. 

“Я схожу по тебе с ума…” He whispers slowly and he leans slightly closer, I hear the door slam open, and he violently pushes me into my desk, away from him, the shock is clear in my features. I hear Fuze gasp as well, I feel glass shards in my back and in my thighs from the jars I had filled with pens, I can also hear several of my sketch pencils fall to the floor with several thunks. Notebooks had fallen everywhere, and Kapkan looked furious, as well as embarrassed. He pushed past Fuze who immediately starts asking if I am ok. He helps me off of the broken wooden table, which had collapsed beneath me when Kapkan pushed me away. I could hear fuze asking me what had happened, but I only wanted to get to Doc to have him get all this glass out of me and to make sure I didn’t break something, I heard a lot of cracking in that moment, but I can’t be entirely sure it was just the table that cracked. 

I hobbled over to Doc with the help of Fuze, who had us take the long way so that we could draw less attention to ourselves. We get hurt enough with our rambunctious personalities, we don’t need to prove we get injured off field with our shenanigans too. By the time we make it to Doc I have completely collapsed at his feet. He sees the blood seeping through my clothes and I hear him sigh as he has Fuze help him position me so that he can access my wounds easier. The next hour is Fuze and Doc interrogating me on what happened with Kapkan to which I keep responding, “I don’t know” several times over. I am not entirely certain what happened back there. But it seems like Kapkan has a soft spot for … me. A secret he clearly doesn’t want anyone to know, perhaps not even me, he clearly regretted saying anything. 

Looks like I am going to have to watch him more. To find out what his deal is. 

For the rest of the night I am zoned out. Doodling in my notebook. It takes several times to realize I am idly doodling Kapkan, and I tear it out only to repeat the process. Tachanka walks by and picks up one of my scraps as he watches me tear yet another replica out of my small sketchbook. I see him raise an eyebrow out of the corner of my eye and sit down in the next chair over. It takes him a few minutes to speak, concern clear in his sharp blue eyes. He must have heard about the scuffle I had with Max.. Kapkan… earlier. 

“So, what is this, Timur?” he asks, amusement sparking in his eyes when he sees my slight panic. I don’t actually have an answer for this one. I knew he would ask, but I didn’t think ahead this time. 

“I- don’t- I- … uh…” I just end up spluttering nonsense which makes Tachanka raise a brow at me. He admires the drawing again for a second and smoothes it out and rests it on the table they were tossed in front of. He begins repeating the process with the others, one by one as he begins to speak. 

“It’s very lovely work, Timur, you know?” He starts, “I think Maxim would appreciate this, but why so many?” he hums lightly gently flattening the crumpled papers so as to “save” them almost. A few had torn edges or corners. I could feel the heat in my face as I realized how angry I was. 

“I DON’T KNOW, ALEXSANDR! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! Why do I keep OBSESSING over a stupid little phrase he said, it doesn’t even mean anything, Alexsandr, and yet he pushed me down and now I have a fractured hip because of him!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I shifted every so slightly and I could feel the pain spread from my groin to my butt around my right thigh. I nearly scream in pain, but I see Tachanka is just watching me, I watch him shake his head at my childish outburst and I feel my face heat up again. I can see Fuze peek curiously out at us and disappear back into his room. 

“What did he say, he never says anything he doesn’t mean. You know what, you should probably talk to him. He might apologize, and explain what happened better if you don’t know what happened. I am sure he cares very much about you, he feels guilty for what he did by the way. He told me so earlier, Timur.” Tachanka speaks. He stands up and smoothes out the last paper that I had thrown on the floor. Another pristine picture of Maxim’s face. A happy glint in his eyes, and a small curl to his lip, his hair messy like it is always in the early mornings. The way it looks best. 

\--3 months later--

I still hadn’t talked to Maxim. I didn’t want to bother him. My surgery to get my hip fixed was mysteriously covered, which Tachanka had earlier hinted this week that Maxim had paid it off. I don’t believe him. Not yet. Maxim has avoided all contact with me since he injured me. Although, he did replace my desk. Which I have yet to thank him for. I am still recovering, and will be for another three months, Doc has said. I just wanted to get back out on the field, but instead, the others have been working extra hard since I got injured. None of them are ever really in here anymore, almost always out on a mission. Kapkan had only come back from a mission about two hours ago, but he isn’t even back in our part of the building yet. I am almost nervous. 

I haven’t been in a room alone with him since he fractured my hip.

I was doodling Maxim in my sketchbook yet again when I heard the doors to the lounge swing open violently and there he was, covered in sweat, dust, and blood. I felt my stomach tighten at the view. I watched his walk and he seemed fine, so I assume that is not his blood on him. Hopefully not any of our comrades either. I watch him disappear into his room before I turn back to my sketchbook. I was working on some of the finer details of his face, I originally tried drawing Fuze, but it almost immediately started becoming Kapkan. I don’t know why but I haven’t been able to draw the same for a while, so I just keep drawing the same thing over and over. Maxim. Again and again. I think for the first time in a long time, I am having art block. I curse silently over my sketchbook as my hand slips and I immediately start trying to fix. I don’t notice Kapkan is looming over my shoulder until it is too late, and he has snatched the book out of my hands. 

“Maxim!” I scream, I stood up sharply, not too sharply as I feel no pain this time. I try and grab the sketch book, and with the unreadable expression on my face it makes it hard to tell what he is thinking. He moves away every time I try and reach for it. Silence falls over the two of us quickly as he carefully examines the artwork.

“This is very nice work Timur, why did you not show you admiration before?” He mutters. 

“I thought you hated me.” I state. He smiles at me, it is a bittersweet smile. I feel my heart hurt slightly, he did hurt me. He never apologized either. 

“That is the problem, Timur,” he sets down the sketchbook. “I don’t hate you, I … love you. More than any man should.” He begins to walk away, when I grab his arm. I don’t know what I expected out of this, but I latch onto his shoulder with my other hand and press my lips against his. He doesn’t kiss back, I pull away, I see the surprised expression on his face, but then he grabs my face with both hands and kisses me with such passion and vigor. 

I feel like we were making out forever. I felt Maxim slowly lowering me onto the couch, but then he pulls away and mutters something. He pulls me off the couch and then pulls it out into the futon position, and then the grabs me and lowers me back onto it, I laugh a little while he smiles at me and he presses his lips back against mine so gently. I feel my back rest against the thin mattress of the futon and my head rest on a pillow that Maxim set beneath my head. I felt him grind against my hips as he moves his lips to my neck and nibbles gently the whole way down my neck. I gasp lightly as he slips his hand under my shirt. I feel my breath hitch as his other hand started working at my belt buckle. Neither of us spoke as he started fondling me and started slipping my pants off me. I felt his lips on my nether regions as he licked and sucked various places. I felt him watching me. I had closed my eyes in bliss. He slowly started inserting fingers into me and I could hear myself gasping and moaning lightly. I felt like my brain was foggy as he slowly inserted his member and he waited a moment, murmuring sweet things to me in Russian as he started to very slowly move. I could feel sweat on my forehead as he pressed his lips to my neck again. He would pull out and I could feel him start to move back in again. It was slow, and incredibly gentle, I feel in the fogginess my bafflement at his gentle demeanor. I just wrapped my legs around his hips and bucked my hips back into him gently. We were moving with each other in sync for what feels like forever.

The next thing I can remember was the warm and euphoric feeling that spread through my insides as we came. I felt him sink his teeth into my collarbone. I relaxed into the couch with him resting on top of me. I barely hear him mutter something about how we are going to be alone for the next four days. I can feel myself nod as he stands. He picks me up and brings me to my own room. We end up repeating the same thing a few hours later. Only to lazily fall asleep for the night in my bed spooning each other. We didn’t speak much. It was almost like a silent agreement to just feel each other, not speak of our problems or fears. I know we’ll have to face it, I mean I didn’t expect to have to face it. After a few weeks of watching Maxim after he injured me, I finally saw what my deal was. 

I was in love with Maxim Basuda. 

And clearly he feels the same way. 

The next morning we wake up together, I feel him gently pressing his lips to my neck and massaging my hip with one of his hands. I hummed good morning to him and I could feel him respond, his voice husky with sleep. I smiled. I am just glad to know he doesn’t hate me now. 

“What should we do about breakfast, Maxim?” I ask him, turning to face him. He plants a gentle kiss on my lips and then ponders for a second.

“I just want to eat some eggs and bacon, I don’t know, want to head down to the canteen and grab some coffee, too?” he hums, resting his forehead against my own. We slowly get up and get into some clothes that we scavenged from our ventures in the living room last night. 

We slowly make our way quietly to the canteen and we both grab some eggs and bacon, I also get an english muffin, they are pretty ok. Each of us carrying a hot mug of coffee. Not the best coffee in the world, but good enough. We sat side by side at an abandoned table near where we entered for a quick escape. I can tell Maxim wants to limit our affection in public, and I share that sentiment. We only just realized our feelings for each other fully last night. I feel his hand rest on my thigh for a few seconds idly here and there. I smile at him, that is until I see someone’s hands rest on the table in front of us. Lion.

“It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, faggots.” He speaks, his tone incredibly unfriendly. A cross hangs from around his neck and his eyes are bloodshot. He didn’t get enough sleep last night. 

“What the fuck are you talking about, you religious zealot? Nobody is gay over here, are you sure you aren’t the faggot, Frenchie?” Kapkan sneers. I feel myself get slightly angry. He would so quickly dismiss us? I almost said something, but instead I snapped back myself.

“And you need to Adam and Leave, Lion.” I stated, making it very clear I didn’t want to speak to him. When he looked like he was about to say something else about his religious views, I stood up and dumped what was left of my coffee on him and started to head back to the Spetsnaz wing of the building. At this point I was fuming. I didn’t want to admit it, but it hurt that he decided to deny the fact that we were together, but instead went straight into denial. I am not surprised, but disappointed, hoping that maybe we could just be open about it. I hated this feeling. I could feel tears in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away, I didn’t want Maxim to see me so upset over something so stupid like this. I know why he did it. It isn’t that hard to figure out. I slumped over on the couch when I got back to the lounge. I stared blankly at the television which wasn’t even on. I heard Maxim enter the lounge. I sensed him slowly approaching me.

“Timur…” he spoke lightly, I could hear the fear in his voice. 

“Go away, Maxim. I just want to sit here.” I say, I could hear the strain in my own voice from trying not to cry. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders as he leaned against the couch. 

“Timur, I didn’t mean to upset you, I was trying to protect us. I don’t want to see you get hurt because of how I feel, I wanted so badly to be selfish and show you off as my own right then and there, but you know how our Motherland feels about this.” he speaks so gently. I want to turn around, but I stubbornly sit there. 

“I know you know this, please, let me get used to this. I am working on losing old habits. It won’t happen again, please, любимый.” he pleads. I feel myself relax into him, and lean into his touch.

“I’m sorry, Maxim, I shouldn’t have gotten so upset, I know, I just want to be open, I don’t want to have to hide anything. Or feel the need to hide things, Maxim, you know?” I say, I feel him nod against me. 

Over the course of the next three days, we shared many meals together, and many touches. We held onto all the good things we felt for each other. Thermite and Pulse actually joined us for breakfast one morning because Pulse had seen what Lion did. Thermite especially wanted to tell him in his own special “Texan Way,” as Pulse called it, to shove his religion up his ass. Which is funny to me, considering his upbringing. We had a good laugh when Thermite actually got to slam Lion the next morning. 

This morning in particular we got a little ahead of ourselves and we were on the couch watching some comedy movie that Pulse had recommended. We ended up gently kissing each other on the couch for just a minute, but that minute was just long enough for Tachanka, Finka, and Fuze to come strolling in and gasp at the two of us on the couch. Which prompted us to separate and blubber in two languages at our comrades. Tachanka laughs.

“It is about damn time you two got together.” he claps his hands on one of our shoulders each and smiles at us. Finka was handing Fuze some money, clearly they had a bet. 

“You guys aren’t the only ones, I’ve got a special meeting with Jäger later. I think he wants to get frisky tonight.” Fuze blatantly states, which causes Kapkan to do a double take.

“Wait, you.. And the German?” He asks, confusion laced in his thick accent. 

“If you hadn’t have been so busy ogling Timur, you would have seen that sooner, comrade!” Tachanka laughs again as he begins walking off to his room. 

We smile at each other and I think we decided then to not hide, to stay with each other no matter what happens. I can feel Maxim running his hands through my hair and gently kissing me on my head as he wraps his arms around me once more. I am content with this. I will not let him slip from my fingers. Ever. 

And I know he will do the same for me.


End file.
